Cloan

Cloan is the femslash ship between Cleopatra Smith and Joan of Arc from the Clone High fandom.

Season 1
HOMECOMING: A SHOT IN D'ARC

Joan dresses up as a man in order to join the boy's basketball team at Clone High to help the school win against their rival school, GESHH. She comes into a practice as her male self, John D'Arc, and makes a shot that Abe misses. Cleo asks dreamily what her name is after she makes the shot. When the practice starts, Cleo asks Joan why she's never seen her around school before. Abe joins in angrily to ask who John D'Arc is a clone of. Joan then comes up with a convoluted story that the real John D'Arc was an explorer. After her story about her clone father, Cleo says that the story is a turn-on.

While Joan is sitting on a bench outside as John, Cleo comes up and calls her handsome. She sits with Joan at the bench and asks when Joan is planning on inviting her to the homecoming dance. Joan says that she thought that Abe already asked Cleo to go, and Cleo says that Abe isn't as good of an athlete as Joan is. Cleo then takes out a banana from her lunch and starts eating it sexually in front of Joan. She then takes out a small carton of milk and pours it on herself to try to attract Joan. Joan tells her that she's not interested in Cleo like that, and Cleo says that she doesn't understand as she sprays herself with whipped cream. Joan doubles down and says that she's rejecting Cleo before walking off. Cleo laughs at the idea that someone would reject her, and says that something's off about John.

At the actual basketball game against GESHH, Clone High is losing again because Joan keeps trying to pass the ball to Abe, who keeps missing the shots. Scudworth steps in to try to make Joan do the free-throws to guarantee some points, but she refuses and reveals herself, taking off her disguise. The stadium is shocked. Cleo is disgusted at first that she was flirting with Joan, but then says that the idea is hot. Joan has no reaction to Cleo's reaction, as Cleo mutters the last part to herself.

A ROOM OF ONE'S CLONE: THE PIE OF THE STORM

During an intense storm that hits Exclamation, Joan's house is struck by lightning and burns down, leaving Joan and Toots homeless temporarily. The next day at school, Abe and Cleo come over to Joan arm-in-arm and Abe asks how she's doing. Joan assures him that she's fine and doesn't need his pity. Cleo then asks if it's true that Joan and Toots are currently living under the school's gym's bleachers, and Joan tells her angrily that she definitely doesn't need Cleo's pity. Cleo keeps pushing, though, and says that she brought Joan an old dented can of beef broth and a stained old t-shirt from her house to try to help her. Cleo makes fun of her for being poor, and Joan threatens to throw the broth can at her. Abe stops them and tells them how much he hates conflict. He says that he loves them both, Joan in a platonic way and Cleo in a passionate romantic way, and then walks off with Cleo on his arm again, glad that the three talked.

Cleo assembles the students in the gym for an assembly she calls a "Pity Rally for Joan of Arc." She talks to the students with a megaphone as Toots and Joan watch from their makeshift home under the gym bleachers. Toots calls Cleo Joan's friend, calling her generous. Joan refutes his statement, calling Cleo a "hoe-bag" and explaining that she's not her friend because she's showing pity just to make Joan feel even worse about her housing condition. Toots then says that Joan doesn't need to worry about being homeless anymore because he was able to find them another home. Joan is excited until Toots reveals that it's actually Cleo's home, because he has been dating Cleo's foster mother for a while and she agreed to let them stay with her and Cleo. Joan is horrified at the idea.

That evening, as the storm rages on, Joan and Toots move into Cleo's house. Joan walks into Cleo's bedroom, which they will now be sharing, and comments that the pink room is her personal hell. Cleo offers her the smallest single-door dresser to put her items in, which Joan puts the beef broth can in. Cleo then produces a stack of papers and tells Joan that she has to sign a number of non-disclosure agreements to live with Cleo, which include not sharing any of her personal moments, like what she looks like without makeup in the morning and her bowel movements. Abe then climbs into Cleo's window and asks how the two are doing, calling them his "two favorite girls." Joan asks Abe angrily whether he likes Cleo because she's conceited or because she's a whore. Abe is taken aback and tries to laugh it off when Cleo snaps back, asking Abe if he's friends with Joan because of some elaborate joke or just out of sympathy. Abe laughs the argument off and tells the two that he thinks they should do a trust fall to solve their issues, where Joan falls back and Cleo catches her. He is so confident that his idea will work that he leaves through the window and doesn't watch to make sure it goes well. Joan falls and Cleo doesn't catch her.

That night, Joan has to listen as Abe and Cleo make out under her bunk bed that she shares with Cleo. Abe then comes up to her level and asks if she knows how to take off a bra. This angers Joan and she jumps off the bed to Cleo's level to tell Abe that Cleo's will fall off on its own once he takes the tissues out. Cleo is upset and tells her that she broke the NDAs she had to sign. They are about to fight when Abe gets between them again and says that he learned from his conflict-resolution class that the girls should paint their feelings about each other. As Abe gets the paints, Joan says that she's going to paint a dividing line in the room to separate their spaces. Abe says that her idea is a great one. The next morning, Abe comes back in to find that his idea failed, and that Joan is going crazy trying to kill Cleo, as Joan drew the dividing line horizontally across the room because of their bunk beds. Abe tries to hear both of their sides, but ends up falling out of the window when the girls throw flaming items at each other and the collision causes an explosion.

The next night, as Joan is trying to sleep, Cleo hovers above her bed and is about to smother Joan with a pillow when Joan wakes up and asks if Cleo is trying to smother her. Cleo makes a comment at Joan's flat chest and Joan uses her feet to push Cleo's head against the wall. The two end up off the bunk beds and Joan tells her that it's time for a pillow fight to officially work out their differences. They then have a pillow fight that turns into the two suggestively wrestling each other and ripping each other's clothes off in the process. Eventually, the end of the episode ends with Cleo and Joan magically solving their differences by opting to silently hate each other instead of outwardly voicing it. They are shown repainting Cleo's walls pink together.

MAKEOVER, MAKEOVER, MAKEOVER: THE MAKEOVER EPISODE

Joan is crying in her and Cleo's shared bedroom after two failed makeovers for the prom, first with Abe and then with Toots. Cleo walks in, annoyed at the crying. Joan tells her to just leave her alone, to which Cleo replies that Joan should leave her boyfriend alone. She sits at her vanity mirror and looks at herself before asking Joan to pass her her blush. Joan is unsure what she means, and Cleo tells her that it's makeup. She then says that makeup is what her mom threw at her when the alcohol ran out. Joan starts crying harder because she never had a mom. Cleo didn't know this and almost feels sorry for Joan before snapping out of it, thinking it's weird that she almost felt bad when everything was going great in her life. Joan is annoyed at her lack of sympathy as Cleo tells her that she has some old makeup she needs to get rid of, and that Joan would be doing Cleo a big favor if she could get rid of it on Joan's face. She holds Joan's face by the chin and slightly squeezes her cheeks before asking Joan if she's thinking what she's thinking, starting a makeover montage. In the montage, Joan and Cleo walk down the street together holding hands as they approach different storefronts; first a prom dress store, which they buy things from, then a lingerie store, which they also buy from, then to a guns and ammo store, which they buy big guns from, then finally to a bank, which they rob with their guns. They are then sitting back-to-back at a salon as they get pedicures.

Season 2
THE CROWN: JOANCOMING: IT'S A CLEO, CLEO, CLEO, CLEO WORLD

It is Homecoming season, and Cleo is campaigning for Homecoming Queen by giving out pumpkin spice lattes and playing her favorite song, The Instructional Boogie. Joan is annoyed mostly because she doesn't understand the idea of Homecoming Court in 2023. Cleo approaches Joan with a latte and tells her to vote for her for Homecoming Queen. Joan tells her that she won't because she doesn't like Homecoming Court, and Cleo insults her while continuing to dance to The Instructional Boogie. The dancing is contagious and everyone except Joan, including JFK, join in. Joan walks off, annoyed. Later, in the school, Joan sees Harriet in the hall and complains to her about Cleo's promotion. Harriet doesn't seem to mind it, and notes that Joan and Cleo have a lot of tension. Joan claims that Cleo is a horrible person and that no one would want her as Homecoming Queen. Based off of Cleo's lattes, Harriet doesn't believe Joan, and Joan tells her that she doesn't understand. To get Harriet to believe her point, Joan comes up with the idea that Cleo's pumpkin spice lattes were actually made from "blood pumpkins" and also made with child labor. Harriet believes Joan's lie and tells Sacagawea, who then spreads it to the rest of the school.

As a result, the students end up voting for Joan as Homecoming Queen instead of Cleo. Both Joan and Cleo are shocked and confused at the outcome, and Joan hesitantly comes up on stage to be crowned. Harriet congratulates her as she prepares to crown her, hinting that she was voted simply because she exposed Cleo's lattes. Joan watches as Cleo is berated and gets pumpkins thrown at her, sympathetic and sorry for her as Cleo runs off to the bathroom to cry. As Joan is crowned unbearably slowly, Joan takes the crown before it can hit her head and she leaves. She goes to the bathroom, to see Cleo crying in a stall. Cleo thinks that Joan is there to rub in her victory, but Joan tells her that she can have the crown because she doesn't care about Homecoming Court anyway. She throws it to her and Cleo catches it as Joan leaves. Cleo puts the crown on, and is instantly transformed due to the crown's magical powers. Cleo uses the crown's power to mind-control Harriet into believing that she is the real Homecoming Queen instead of Joan. It works, and Harriet is under Cleo's control.

Walking down the halls, Joan starts to notice that the school is becoming Cleo-fied. When she goes to drink from the water fountain, pumpkin spice latte comes out. Joan claims that she hates the latte taste, but she can't stop drinking from the fountain. She notices Abe walking by in a crop top and gaucho pants, and when she questions him, he speaks like Cleo. She runs out to the field for the Homecoming Float Parade to find that everyone is under Cleo's mind-control, including JFK, who is holding hands and sitting with Cleo on the King and Queen float. Joan tries to pull JFK out of the mind-control, and does so for a moment before Cleo pulls him back in, telling Joan that JFK is hers, calling Joan by JFK's pet name for her, "Joanie." She claims that she'll mind-control Joan, too, but Joan backflips out of the way of the mind-control beam. Joan finds Confucius and works with him to try to take Cleo down, since Cleo doesn't know that Confucius exists. As they're brainstorming in the library, JFK and Abe find them and take Joan over to Cleo, and Confucius follows because they don't know he exists either.

In front of Cleo on her massive throne float, Joan tells Confucius that he should sneak up on Cleo and take the crown from her since he's invisible to her. Confucius agrees and goes to climb the float tower as Cleo asks for Joan's last words. Joan stalls as Confucius gets up to Cleo's level on the float, and she starts saying that Cleo shouldn't take over the school. As Confucius is reaching for Cleo's crown, Joan claims that she tries to take the high road, which he refutes by reminding her that she started the Cleo pumpkin spice latte rumor. Suddenly Cleo can hear Confucius, and she grows furious that Joan was the reason she lost the title. Her anger makes her grow into a giant, and she complains about why the school would listen to Joan because she's more artsy than popular. Joan tells her that people care about art and politics in 2023, so she has the upper hand. Cleo is so angry with Joan that she turns everyone in the school into mini-versions of her just because she knows how much Joan hates her. On top of that, she chains Joan up on one of the football field goal posts while Cleo enjoys the Homecoming Dance in the gym.

Because Scudworth and Candide have also been taken over by Cleo's mind-control, Butlertron must save Joan from her exile out on the field. Him and Joan bond briefly as Joan says that she secretly doesn't hate Cleo or her pumpkin spice lattes or The Instructional Boogie. Butlertron advises that she admit similar truths, since that is the first step to healing. The Instructional Boogie ends up giving Joan the instructions for how to escape, and Butlertron tells her to go into the gym and repair her and Cleo's relationship. Once in the gym, Cleo sends her choreographed students to attack Joan and bring her back to the field. However, Joan dances along with them, since Cleo's dancers are dancing to The Instructional Boogie. Cleo grows in size again as she gets angry that her attackers can't reach Joan. She grabs Joan in her hand as Joan tells her that she doesn't hate Homecoming or Cleo. Cleo is disgusted by the last part, and ends up hitting her head on a beam in the gym, which knocks the crown from her head. She shrinks back to normal size and begs Joan to stop as Joan throws the crown to the ground, shattering it. Cleo claims that she needs the extra perks the crown was able to give her, but Joan assures her that people like her just the way she is. However, the student body is very angry with Cleo because of the Joan rumor and the fact that Cleo overtook the school with mind-control. They are ready to attack her as Joan stops them and stands up for Cleo, coming clean about making the rumor up because she just wanted Cleo to suffer. She apologizes to Cleo, and Cleo apologizes to everyone else.

The students all forgive Cleo and make their way out of the gym. As they walk off, Joan comes up to Cleo. Cleo thanks her for clarifying for the rest of the students and Joan tells her that she's glad this means they aren't enemies anymore. Joan goes in for a hug when Cleo laughs and jokes that Joan is obsessed with her. She walks off as Joan looks slightly confused.

Fanon
The original appeal in Cloan came in the idea that the two were enemies. Most of the pair's interactions in the first season are negatively charged, especially after the two move in together when Joan's house burns down. When it comes to the second season though, the two grow to become friends after the episode "The Crown: Joancoming: It's a Cleo, Cleo, Cleo, Cleo World," where Joan apologizes to Cleo for a rumor she spreads and the two make up. They later are part of the "four amigas," the friendship group consisting of Joan, Cleo, Harriet and Frida. The ship is a rarepair, with only 11 fanfictions on AO3, but more fan art on Tumblr, Twitter and Instagram.

Fandom
FAN FICTION

TUMBLR

Trivia

 * The scene in "Homecoming: A Shot in D'Arc," where Cleopatra said that it was hot that she had been flirting with Joan has recently been attributed to being foreshadowing of her canon queerness shown in Season 2 as she dates Frida Kahlo.