Ineffable Husbands

Ineffable Husbands is the non-binary ship between Aziraphale and Crowley from the Good Omens fandom.

Before Christ
Aziraphale is guarding one of the walls of Eden when a snake slides up beside him and take the form of a demon. They look out as Adam and Eve leave the garden. The demon says that he doesn't get what's so bad about knowing between right and wrong. Aziraphale says that it must be bad, but gets stuck on the demon's name, who introduces himself as "Crawly". He continues says that Crawly wouldn't have tempted Adam and Eve with the apple if it was good. Crawly questions why god made it so easy to get to the tree and what's god really planning. Aziraphale tells him that they're not meant to speculate on the great plan, since it's ineffable. Crawly then notices that Aziraphale's sword is gone, and asks what happened to it. Aziraphale admits that he gave it to Adam and Eve given that they could get into danger. He hopes that he didn't do the wrong thing, and Crawly tells him that he's an angel, it's probably not possible. Aziraphale thanks him, since it's been bothering him. Crawly admits that he's been worrying that he did the right thing letting them eat the apple, and it'd be funny if they both got it wrong. Aziraphale laughs for a second before saying that it wouldn't.

Aziraphale is watching the building of Noah's ark when Crawly appears. He asks how the problem with the flaming sword worked out, and Aziraphale tells him that God hasn't mentioned it since. Crawly then asks what's going on. Aziraphale tells him that god might be planning to wipe out the human race. Crawly is very shocked by this, calling it something that Hell or Satan would do. Aziraphale tells him that they can't question god's plan. Crawly stops him before he can say that the plan is Ineffable, however.

After Christ
Aziraphale and Crawly watch as Jesus is put on the cross. Crawly asks if Aziraphale come to smirk at the son of god, since Heaven put him there. Azriaphale tells him that he doesn't have a say in the matter. Crawly tells him he's changed his name to Crowley, since the last one was too "squirming-at-your-feet-ish", leading Aziraphale to remind him that he is, after all, a snake. He then asks if Crowley ever met Jesus. Crowley admits that he showed him the kingdoms of the world, and that he was a bright young man. He then asks what Jesus said that upset everyone. Aziraphale says that it was to be kind to each other. Crowley remarks that that would do it.

Eight years later in Ancient Rome, Aziraphale is in a restaurant when he notices Crowley, who is there also. They share a toast, and Aziraphale asks if he's in Rome for long. He replies with 'I'm only there for a quick temptation' then asks the same of Aziraphale. He says that he's there for Petronius' new restaurant, and talks about how remarkable his oysters are. Crowley comments that he's never had an oyster, and Aziraphale is about to "tempt him to one" before stopping himself to say that it's more Crowley's job.

In 576 AD, Aziraphale, working for the round table, goes to speak to the Black Knight, however, once there he realizes that it's Crowley. Aziraphale asks why he's there, and Crowley tells him that he's there to stir up discord, to which Aziraphale says that he's there to spread peace. Crowley realizes that they're both just canceling each other out, and it'd be easier if they both just left and sent messages to the head offices saying they did what they did. Aziraphale's against it, since it's lying and they'd check. Crowley argues that the higher ups have better things to do, and as long as their doing something now and again there can't be any harm. Aziraphale says no, and ends their conversation right there.

At the Globe Theater, Crowley arrives to meet Aziraphale, confused since they'd both assumed that they would be able to hide in the crowd that isn't there. Aziraphale asks what he wants, and Crowley asks why he would think that. Aziraphale says that Crowley is up to something bad, and Crowley says that's obvious, just like him being up to good. Aziraphale tells him he's to go to Edinburgh, and Crowley reveals that he has to go there as well. Crowley sees it as a waste of effort for both of them to go, and Aziraphale asks if he's inferring that only one of them goes and does both. Crowley reminds him that they've done it dozens of times, and that their offices don't care how things get done, just that they do. Aziraphale tells him that if hell finds out then Crowley will be destroyed, but Crowley says they don't have to know, and hold up a coin to toss for Edinburgh. Aziraphale gives in, and flips for Edinburgh. They overhear Shakespeare say it would take a miracle for anyone to see Hamlet, and Aziraphale looks to Crowley. Crowley gives in and decides to perform a miracle, his treat.

Later, in 1793, The Reign Of Terror, Aziraphale is in a cell when time freezes, and he turns to see Crowley behind him. This is the first time when Crowley adopts the nickname 'Angel' for Aziraphale. Aziraphale gives him a slight look of exasperation and a remark at the demon sprawling about on the seat of his cell. Crowley asks what Aziraphale is doing there- he was opening a bookshop in England. Aziraphale explains that he was craving crepes, and the only decent ones you can get are in Paris. Crowley questions his judgement, but Aziraphale says that he heard that the people were getting carried away. Crowley says that they're a bit past that, and asks why he didn't use a miracle to get him out, Aziraphale explains that he was reprimanded for too many frivolous miracles. Crowley says that he's lucky that he 'happened to be there'. Crowley says he was given accommodations for good performance, and Aziraphale asks if Paris is his doing. Crowley tells him that the humans thought it up themselves, and releases Aziraphale from his chains. Aziraphale says that he's grateful and offers to buy him lunch. Crowley questions if that's a good idea, if Aziraphale is going to keep being dressed like and aristocrat. In response, Aziraphale waves his hand in front of himself, swapping clothes with his executioner, who is sent to the guillotine instead of the angel. The two smugly watch him be escorted to his death, and Crowley offers some crepes to Aziraphale.

In the Victorian Era at St. James park, Crowley and Aziraphale meet again. Crowley starts to think if Heaven and Hell finds them out and protests that he didn't, fall-more "sauntered vaguely downwards". He asks Aziraphale for a favour, and hands him a note with the words 'Holy Water' on it, explaining that the walls have ears. Aziraphale gets quite upset, saying that he doesn't want to be responsible for Crowley's death, as it would destroy him, not just discorporate him. Crowley assures him that it's only for insurance, but Aziraphale still refuses. He'd be in massive amounts of trouble if Heaven knew that he and Crowley were "fraternizing", and doesn't see the point in discussing it further. Crowley, angered at the degradation of their relationship, says that he has plenty of other people to "fraternize" with, and he doesn't need Aziraphale, who says that the feeling is mutual and throws away the paper.

In a church in London during World War II, Aziraphale is about to be 'killed' by Nazis when in hops Crowley, burning his feet on the church's consecrated ground to save Aziraphale from being discorporated. Aziraphale assumes that Crowley was behind the whole thing as the Nazis know him by 'Anthony J. Crowley'. Crowley says that it's just a bunch of stupid people, and the 'J' "is just a J". As the Nazis are about to shoot them, Crowley informs them that a German bomber will drop on the church soon, and they'll only live if they run very very fast. One of the Nazis says that they're meant to drop on the other side of London, Crowley hints that it would take a last minute demonic intervention to throw them off-course, and it would take a miracle for him and Aziraphale to survive it. The bomb then lands, leaving Aziraphale and Crowley as the only survivors. Aziraphale tells Crowley that it was very kind of him to do what he did, but Crowley just tells him to shut up. Aziraphale starts to continue but realizes that his books probably got blown up and flusters, as they were very important to him. Crowley, however, walks over and picks up the bag that the books are held in; still intact. He gives the bag to Aziraphale and says that he did a little miracle of his own. He asks if he needs a lift home, as Aziraphale finally falls for him (this is shown through the romantic music that suddenly plays in the background.)

Several decades later in the 1960's, Crowley enters his Bentley when Aziraphale appears beside him. Crowley looks at him, shocked. Aziraphale tells him that he heard about Crowley setting up a heist for Holy Water, and says that it's too dangerous. Crowley remind him that he already said this one hundred and five years ago. Aziraphale hasn't changed his mind, but doesn't want Crowley risking his life, especially for this. He pulls out a tartan flask of Holy Water, and tells him to call off the robbery. Crowley carefully takes it and asks if it's the real thing. Aziraphale says it's the holiest, leaving Crowley amazed that he would do this after everything he said earlier. He asks if he should say thank you, but Aziraphale says that he'd better not, echoing Crowley's words from 1793. The demon asks if he should drop him off anywhere, but Aziraphale says no. He explains that maybe one day they could go for a picnic or dine at the Ritz, but not now. Crowley almost please him, but Aziraphale just smiles at him sadly and says that he goes too fast for him. He leaves the car, and, for that matter, Crowley until the foreseeable future.

Present Day (The Week of Armageddon)
Aziraphale receives a call from Crowley, and they agree to meet the next day, to discuss the possible Armageddon. Aziraphale asks Crowley if he's sure it was the Anti-Christ, and Crowley says that he would know, since he handed the baby over. Aziraphale is sure that Heaven will win when Armageddon happens, but Crowley starts to list things that will disappear if either of them win, as Earth will be destroyed. (Like his favourite food, favourite composers and his bookshop.) He explains that they only have eleven years until the child comes into power and that they have to work together to stop it from happening. Aziraphale refuses. Crowley still tries to get him to agree, but Aziraphale won't budge. Crowley dismisses the idea for a moment and suggests they get lunch, since he still owes him one from The Reign Of Terror. They go out to lunch, and when finished, head back to Aziraphale's bookshop for a drink. For a six-hour long drink. This is when Crowley brings up Armageddon again. They talk about the marine life that will turn into fish stew, and how Aziraphale would have to watch the Sound Of Music and "climb every mountain over and over and over and over". After 'sobering up' they come to the decision to act as godfathers for the supposed Anti-Christ. Aziraphale seems excited about the idea.

And so, Crowley acts as Warlock's (The supposed Anti-Christ's) nanny, and Aziraphale poses as a gardener. They keep telling Warlock entirely opposite things with the hope that he won't side with good or evil, and will just be normal, so he won't start the Apocalypse.

They do this until Warlock's eleventh birthday, which is when his Hell-Hound is meant to arrive and when he is meant to come into his power. At the party, Aziraphale is a (according to the children, rubbish) magician while Crowley stands at the side, counting down the minutes until the dog arrives. But it doesn't come. The party soon turns into a food fight, and Crowley and Aziraphale take it as their chance to leave. While the angel is reviving a dove he accidently suffocated up his sleeve, he remarks how the dog is late. They both sit in Crowley's Bentley, and Dagon, 'Lord of the Files' contacts Crowley through the radio. He pretends to see the Hell Hound, but it hasn't arrived. They then realise they had the wrong boy, and go on a search for the real antichrist.

Crowley suggests that there was a mix-up with the babies at the birthing hostel and they take a trip there to have a look at the paperwork. In the car, Crowley describes what the plan was, and how it was so brilliant. Aziraphale replies with "Ah, but evil always contains the seed of its own destruction. No matter how brilliant, how well organised the plan, it will always founder on the rocks and vanish."

When they get to the building, Aziraphale seems quite surprised at the place, and says how it feels loved. Crowley scoffs, "Loved?!" Aziraphale describes how "It's the opposite to when you say, 'I don't like this place, it feels spooky.'" Crowley disagrees and says how he has never said that, and how he is a big fan of spooky. Just after they enter the grounds, they both get shot, but it is only by paintballs. Aziraphale gets upset because a blue paintball has ruined his coat. Crowley graciously miracles it away for him, and Aziraphale stares at him with longing eyes. They both have a bit of a moment, but Aziraphale breaks it off by assessing the gun they were hit by. Crowley stares into space for a minute, a bit hurt and confused at what just happened with them. A man, who was obviously shooting the paintballs, comes over to them, telling them they've been hit, but just as he realises they aren't part of the game, Crowley's head transforms into something monstrous, so terrible it makes the man pass out. Aziraphale doesn't really think anything of it.

When inside the building, a woman in the same paintball game rushes past them and asks "Who's winning?" To which Crowley replies with, "You're all going to lose." while signalling in the air to make something happen. Aziraphale asks what he did, and Crowley explains that apperently they all wanted real guns, so he gave it to them. The angel is very shocked and horrified that they are killing each other. When Crowley takes in Aziraphale's reaction, he then says, "No...they're not. They're all having miraculous escapes." Aziraphale beams at him and tells him "You know, Crowley, I've always said, that deep down, you really are a nice-" Suddenly Crowley pins Aziraphale to the wall by his collar, and they are so close; their noses touch. He yells at the angel (who seems perfectly calm, and a little distracted by the demon's lips) saying how he isn't nice at all, because he is a demon, and can never be nice.

"Excuse me gentlemen, sorry to break up an intimate moment," A woman interrupts, strolling down the hallway. Crowley instantly recognises her as one of the satanic nuns that used to work in the building, and freezes her in time, while letting go of Aziraphale-who tells Crowley that he could of just asked her. Crowley replies with a sarcastic comment to which Aziraphale gives him a look. They ask the nun questions, and learn that the building was burnt down by Hastur and re-built. But she didn't realise there was anything wrong about the Anti-Christ, commenting how he had "Lovely little toesy-woesies." To which Aziraphale smiles, but Crowley rolls his eyes.

On the car drive back to London Soho, its starting to get dark. After moments of silence, Aziraphale describes how he suddenly feels love. Flashes of love. Crowley says that it's ridiculous, and love is the last thing they need, but just before he is about to finish his sentence, he hits a young woman on a bicycle with his car. They stop, and Aziraphale heals the woman's wounds, helps her up, and also mends the bicycle. The angel suggests giving her a lift, but Crowley refuses--only because there's no where to put her bike. Aziraphale grins. "Except for the bike rack." He says, and miracles a tartan rack onto the back of the Bentley. Crowley gives in, and asks the woman named Anathema where they are taking her. She tells them to go to Tadfield.

Anathema comments on how her bike never had gears. Crowley, keeping his eyes on the road, mocks "Oh Lord, heal this bike." And Aziraphale simply replies that he got carried away. The drop the woman off, and Crowley once again calls Aziraphale his angel, then they head to a little cafe to discuss the problem with the Anti-Christ. Aziraphale suggests that they get human operatives to find him, as apparently the same kind can sense each other, but Crowley doesn't agree and reminds him that the Anti-Christ isn't exactly human. They both find human operatives as neither of them can think of a better idea.

Crowley gives Aziraphale a lift home to his bookshop. When Aziraphale gets out of the Bentley and notices a book in the back seat. Once he sees it is the Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, he takes the book, absent-mindedly telling Crowley everything is 'tickety-boo'. He reads it in his bookshop and finds a prophecy that tells him the Anti-Christ's phone number than ends in 'six threescore and six'. He dials the number, and in the distance a boy shouts how he got his dog to stand on his hind legs-like the prophecy confirms. Knowing he just found the real Antichrist, he flusters, hangs up and gasps.

Crowley calls Aziraphale, telling him to meet him at their third alternative rendezvous. Aziraphale asks which one that is, as they have obviously had many over the years, and Crowley reminds him that it's the bandstand. He hangs up and heads out.

They meet up alone. Crowley yells into the sky at 'The Great Plan' and Aziraphale forgives him. Crowley says he can't, since part of a demon's job description is being unforgivable. Crowley knows they can find the Anti-Christ, but Aziraphale asks what happens after that. Killing him? Crowley says that he's really not up for killing kids. Aziraphale agrees. Crowley suggests that they run away together. Aziraphale stares at him in disbelief. The demon says that they've been friends for six thousand years, but Aziraphale pleads that they're on opposite sides and he 'doesn't even like him'. Crowley snaps back, saying that he does, and insists that they're on their own side, but Aziraphale disagrees. Crowley tries to say something, but he's so hurt, he can only make noises of disbelief. He turns around and leaves.

In the Beginning

 * Crowley looks over Aziraphale.
 * Aziraphale covers Crowley from the rain with his wing, and Crowley take several steps towards him.
 * Aziraphale reminds Gabriel that he's been looking over Crowley for a millennia.
 * Crowley tries to call Aziraphale, but forgot he took out all the phone networks.
 * According to god, Aziraphale and Crowley have been meeting in St. James park for quite some time.
 * Aziraphale remembers getting lunch in Paris, 1793 and that they had Crepes.
 * Crowley asks whether the reign of terror in France was heaven or hell but he doesn't remember.

Hard Times

 * Crowley says that it's probably a good thing that God didn't mention the sword to Aziraphale again.
 * Aziraphale is able to recognize Crowley's voice.
 * Crowley corrects Aziraphale's pronunciation of his name.
 * Crowley tells the men behind him to lower their weapons, since Aziraphale is a friend.
 * Crowley watches Aziraphale leave.
 * Aziraphale says that Crowley isn't his friend and that they've never met before.
 * At some point, Crowley and Aziraphale came to an arrangement regarding temptings and blessings.
 * Aziraphale is aghast at Crowley's outfit, but this can also be interpreted as checking him out.
 * Aziraphale asks if he should thank Crowley, but Crowley knows he'll be in trouble if he does.
 * Crowley looks Aziraphale over.
 * Crowley asks what's for lunch, and Aziraphale suggests crepes.
 * Crowley mockingly repeats Aziraphale's 'obviously'.
 * The Nazi's call Crowley 'Anthony J. Crowley' which confuses Aziraphale. Crowley asks if he doesn't like it, but Aziraphale says he'll get used to it. He asks what the J stands for, but Crowley replies that 'it's just a J'
 * Crowley jokes about finding the Anti-Christs shoe size, which Aziraphale doesn't get.
 * Aziraphale reminds Crowley that he was an angel once, but Crowley reminds him that it was a long time ago.

Quotes
"Excuse me, gentlemen. Sorry to break up an intimate moment."

- Sister Mary seeing Aziraphale and Crowley; The Book

"I'm going home, Angel. I'm getting my stuff and I'm leaving. And when I'm off in the stars I won't even think about you."

- Crowley; Hard Times

"Don't think your boyfriend in the dark glasses will get you special treatment in hell."

- Uriel; Saturday Morning Funtime

"Crowley had lost Aziraphale, and the world was ending in a few hours."

- God; The Doomsday Option

Songs

 * Somebody to Love | Queen
 * The song plays after Crowley exits the bookstore in flames, believing that Aziraphale died


 * A Nightingale Sang in Berkeley Square | Vera Lynn
 * The song plays as the two eat at The Ritz, and ends on the more romantic part of the song

Fanon
The two were quickly shipped by fans of the original novel, as they seemed like a great couple then. The ship gained even more popularity with the Amazon Prime/BBC 2 series.

On AO3, Ineffable Husbands is the most written ship for both Crowley and Aziraphale. It is also the most written ship in the Good Omens (TV) and Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett tag.

Fandom
FAN FICTION
 * Aziraphale/Crowley tag on FanFiction.Net
 * Aziraphale/Crowley tag on FanFiction.Net

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Trivia

 * The ship name, Ineffable Husbands, comes from the first conversation that Crowley and Aziraphale share on the wall to the garden of Eden. When Aziraphale calls god's plan Ineffable. This word is brought up many times throughout the series, so the name is fitting.
 * Both Sheen (Aziraphale) and Tennant (Crowley) played the relationship as a love story/romcom.
 * On Twitter, when asked to give labels to Aziraphale and Crowley, Neil Gaiman left it up to the audiences interpretation, but ultimately said that it was a love story.
 * Several characters have mistaken them for a couple in both the novel and the Amazon series.
 * In the novel, Anathema assumes she could be kidnapped by Aziraphale and Crowley, until she hears Crowley call Aziraphale 'Angel' and just assumes they are a sweet couple.
 * In the Amazon series, these also include; Sister Mary, a random passerby and Uriel, who all assume they are a couple.

Variations

 * Ineffable Dads refers to the ship between Adam Young, Crowley and Aziraphale