quotes
Comics[]
- Flight Attendant – “I've been authorized by the captain to give you boys anything you want.”
- Max – “Then bring me all the unclothed women my poor eyes can stand!”
- Sam – “Jesus, Max, take it easy—you don't even like girls.”
- Max – “Oh, yeah. In that case—how about some more of these great peanuts?”
Hit the Road[]
- “Wouldn't be romantic without Max.”
- — Sam seeing the Tunnel of Love
- Sam – “Wanna ride the tunnel of love?”
- Max – “Yippee!”
- Max – “So where are all the bodacious bigfoot babes?”
- Sam – “Take it easy Max, you don't even like girls.”
- Max – “I don't?”
TV Series[]
- Max – “Grab me by the ears!”
- Sam – “You are aware there are children watching, right?”
- — Max's Big Day
- Max – “Our glazed mcguffins have been pulled off the shelves! Pulled! Gone I tell ya! Gone!”
- Sam – “Steady little pal! We don’t know that for certain.”
- Max – “Hit me again. I like it.”
- — The Glazed McGuffin Affair
Sam & Max Save the World[]
- “Tempting sometimes, but I’ve become fond of the little guy.”
- — Sam on Shooting Max; Culture Shock
- Sam – “Max, you ever hear of the term tough love?”
- Max – “It’s the only kind of love I know.”
- — Culture Shock
- Sam – “Look, I want to help you, but my partner is a little unhinged. I’m afraid I may be unable to keep him from harming you in some colorfully gruesome fashion.”
- Max – “Let me at him, Sam!”
- — Culture Shock
- Sam – “Lovely weather we’re having, isn’t it?”
- Max – “So balmy and sulfurous. It makes me want to feed expired food products to stray animals and homeless people.”
- Sam – “Head like a watermelon, and a heart to match. That’s my pal.”
- — Culture Shock
- Max – “I’ve never been robbed actually. But then I typically point a large firearm at anyone who approaches me.”
- Sam – “You crack me up little buddy.”
- — Culture Shock
- Max – “You okay Sam?”
- Sam – “I’ll need a new skull, but otherwise, no complaints.”
- — Culture Shock
- Sam – “Max, I’ve got a great idea involving you, a microwave and six feet of aluminum foil.”
- Max – “Go on.”
- Sam – “Maybe another time.”
- — Culture Shock
- “I take my coffee green, like my men!”
- — Max; Culture Shock
- Max – “One way, dead end, street signs are such fitting metaphors for the human condition.”
- Sam – “Remind me to refill your prescriptions.”
- — Culture Shock
- Max – “By the way, Sam, I’m not sure if I mentioned this, but I may have accidentally chewed through our break lines.”
- Sam – “No I don’t think you did mention that.”
- Max – “I guess we’ll just have to slow down by violently rear-ending other motorists.”
- Sam – “Already planning on it little buddy.”
- — Culture Shock
- Sam – “Tempering with the mail is a federal offense, punishable by fine and imprisonment.”
- Max – “As we found out after the incident with the garden hose. Ah memories.”
- — Culture Shock
- Sam – “But he's my pal!”
- Sybil – “You're friends with that overgrown sociopath child?”
- Sam – “Oh, sorry. I thought you meant this overgrown sociopath child (Max).”
- — Culture Shock
- Sam – “It was a wedding cake, ripe for the toppling.”
- Sybil – “A wedding cake! You want to marry your...uh...well, let me just say, I hope you two will be very happy together.”
- Sam – “Uh, thanks.”
- — Sam dreaming about Max; Culture Shock
- Sybil – “Your reactions indicate that you’re a generally violent person.”
- Sam – “I’m disturbed to here that.”
- Max – “Me too. I’ve always thought of you as a specifically violent person.”
- —Culture Shock
- Max – “Can I have your hat when they commit you?”
- Sam – “Sure little buddy.”
- — Culture Shock
- Bosco – “Okay, but what about your co-conspirator?”
- Sam – “My cospir-? Holy underpants draped to the mast of a sinking pork grind freighter! That hersudian maniac kidnapped my little buddy!”
- — Culture Shock
- “Sorry Bosco, no can do. I’ve got to save my furry little pal.”
- — Sam; Culture Shock
- Sam – “Hand over the lagomorph Culture!”
- Max – “Sam! Boy am I glad to see you! Yohan Sebastian here only knows how to play one song.”
- — Culture Shock
Sam & Max: Beyond Time and Space[]
- Sam – “I hate to admit it, but Peepers is kinda sexy.”
- Max – “If you're into short guys with annoying voices, I guess.”
- — What's New, Beelzebub?
- Sam – “What are we doing here again?”
- I thought we were trying to win a date with Sybil. – “Gosh, no Max. We've got a job to do. And you don't even like girls.”
- Sam – “What a relief!”
- I thought we were trying to win a date with Sybil. – “{{{6}}}”
- Max – “Want me to break your legs so you can convalesce in an apartment across the street, while I occasionally flit in wearing diaphanous gowns and discuss the case as a metaphor for our relationship?”
- Sam – “Hmmm...I'm trying to think of a much stronger word for "No".”
Sam & Max: The Devil's Playhouse[]
- “Sam, this is all so sudden. I-I don't know what to say.”
- — Max when Sam "proposes; The Penal Zone
Poker Night 2[]
- Reginald – “I'm afraid there's no room at the table for your plus-one, Sam.”
- Sam – “That's okay. Max'll make his own fun.”
- Max – “Come out with your arms akimbo, Mendoza!”
- “Don't tell anyone, but I'm kind of off the market right now.”
- — Sam to Claptrap's question about dating
- Sam – “Max?”
- Max – “Yes.”
- Sam – “Take me someplace funny. Like the zoo.”
- Max – “Sure, Sam.”
25th Anniversary[]
- Claptrap – “Twenty fifth anniversary, huh?”
- Sam – “Yup.”
- Ash – “Twenty-Five years with the same partner, impressive. So how have you and Max kept it together all this time?”
- Sam – “You'd be amazed at how easy it is to keep your relationship intact when your partner has the long-term memory of a brain damaged sardine.”
- Max – “Hey Sam, nice tie! Is it new?”
- Sam – “You crack me up, little buddy.”
- Brock – “Now that you and the lagamorph have hit the big two five, any thoughts of retiring?”
- Sam – “We retire the DeSoto every three or four months.”
- Max – “Travelling to alternate dimensions is murder on the treads. MURDER I SAID!”
- Ash – “No, "retire". Y'know when you get too old to do your job, so you just sit around all day collection social security and telling punks to get off your lawn.”
- Sam – “Wait, that's a thing we can do? Max, look into this "not working" scheme, pronto!”
- Max – “On it!”
- Max – “Check it out Sam, I'm a tree surgeon!”
- Sam – “He's not really a tree surgeon.”
- Max – “Cheer up, Sam. While you were busy loosing our life savings, I've been cornering a gang of time traveling cradle robbers in the sixteenth century.”
- Sam – “I'm not sure I'm in the mood to deal with chronamublating cougars right now, Max.”
- Max – “No, no, no. They rob actual cradles! Binkies! Squeaky Toys! Pacifiers!”
- Sam – “Well, that's more like it! Let's go, little buddy.”